Ananda 🪷 — Mental Wellness for South Asians

The report card arrives. It doesn't matter that you stayed up until 2 AM studying, that you helped three classmates understand the material, that you wrote an essay your teacher called the best she'd read in years. There is a B. And the air in the house changes.

For millions of South Asian students — in the US, UK, Canada, and around the world — academic performance is not simply a measure of learning. It is a measure of worth.

Why Grades Mean Everything (And How That Happens)

The emphasis on academic achievement in South Asian families has real historical roots. For immigrant parents, education was often the only tool available to cross class, caste, and racial barriers. The degree was the visa. The GPA was the proof that sacrifice had not been wasted.

This is not a pathology. It is a survival strategy, passed down with deep love and real urgency.

But the strategy gets transmitted without its original context. A child growing up in a comfortable suburb does not face the same barriers their parents did — but they inherit the same anxiety. They learn that love is conditional on performance. That failure is not just disappointing — it is dangerous. That the self and the GPA are, somehow, the same thing.

The Mental Health Toll

Research consistently shows that South Asian students report higher rates of academic stress than their peers. A landmark study of South Asian American college students found significantly elevated rates of depression, anxiety, and perfectionism compared to other ethnic groups — with academic pressure as the primary driver.

The specific ways this shows up:

Perfectionism — the belief that anything less than perfect is unacceptable, which makes failure (inevitable in any real learning process) feel catastrophic

Impostor syndrome — high-achieving students who feel like frauds, constantly waiting to be found out

Comparison culture — the constant measurement against cousins, neighbors' children, classmates in competitive programs

Disconnection from intrinsic motivation — studying not because you love learning but because you're terrified not to

Identity collapse — when grades slip, the entire sense of self can destabilize

"Doctor or Engineer"

The joke is a cliché for a reason. The funneling of South Asian children toward medicine, engineering, law, and finance often has less to do with the child's actual interests and more to do with parental anxiety about stability and status.

When children pursue these paths without genuine interest, several things can happen:

They achieve external success and internal emptiness

They burn out in medical school or early career

They perform well on paper while quietly unraveling

They reach their thirties and realize they've been living someone else's life

This is not a universal story — many South Asian students find genuine passion in the fields their parents encouraged. But many do not, and the cost of that mismatch is real.

What Students Can Do

If you're currently in the pressure cooker:

Separate your value from your performance. This is easier said than done, but it begins with noticing when you are defining yourself by a grade. You are not your GPA.

Find one adult who sees you fully. A teacher, mentor, counselor, or therapist who knows you as more than your academic record can be a lifeline.

Build an identity outside grades. Sports, art, friendship, community service — anything that gives you a sense of self that doesn't live on a transcript.

Name the pressure to someone. Keeping academic anxiety secret makes it worse. Even telling one trusted friend "I'm really struggling" can reduce its power.

Use your campus mental health resources. Most universities have counseling centers. The waitlist may be long, but they often have crisis resources and can provide referrals.

For Parents

If you're a South Asian parent reading this, the love underneath the pressure is visible. You want your child to be safe, to have options, to not struggle the way you did.

But research is unambiguous: excessive academic pressure increases anxiety and depression, reduces intrinsic motivation, and can damage the parent-child relationship — without improving outcomes. Children who feel unconditionally loved perform better in the long run, not worse.

Some questions worth sitting with:

Do I express pride in my child's effort, curiosity, and character — or mainly in their grades?

Does my child feel comfortable telling me when they're struggling?

Am I living vicariously through my child's achievements?

The Other Side

There is a life beyond the GPA, and many South Asian adults eventually find it — but often only after years of work to untangle their self-worth from their performance.

The earlier this work begins, the better. And it can begin at any age: with a single honest conversation, a single B that doesn't end the world, a single moment of realizing that you are more than what you produce.

You are. And the grade never measured the most important parts of you anyway.